So, welcome to my first ever blog. Back in the day this website would be a diary with a breakable lock. So much has changed...sigh..
This blog is about my adventures, celebrations and frustrations as I cannon-ball myself back into my Jewish faith and community.
A brief history...
When I was 10 years old, my mother told me I had to choose between having a Bat-Mitzvah and a sweet 16. I chose the latter (for reasons I will not talk about without a therapist handy) and regretted it the rest of my life. For financial reasons, we stopped going to Shul a few years later.
Over the years I've attended Seders, kept a kosher home, said my prayers at home (mum gave me a prayer book when I was 8 and I still have it) etc. but I always felt it wasn't enough. Something was missing.
Fast forward to a month ago...
Was dating a Cantor (apparently, I have a 'thing' for them as he was the second one I've gone out with) and thought he would be my ticket back into the club - so to speak. Before breaking up with me for the second time, he told me that I should focus on myself. He also said I was intimidating, hard to talk to and bossy, but I digress......
So after some thinking I thought he was right, I do need to focus on myself more. I also though "hey, I don't need him to get my arse back to Shul". And so it began. Three days later I got dressed and walked around the corner to the Synagogue and got up the courage to go to Saturday night services by myself.
Whadda trip! I walked in and passed the old guys staring at me as if to say 'poor thing is lost' and downstairs to where the services were held. There, I met the Rabbi (as I shall refer to as "Revi G" from now on) and his Hawaiian shirt. Still not sure if the shirt matches the man, or vise versa.
I noticed a sign for the Hall and I asked him if it was named after Rabbi L. Turns out it was. Rabbi L. and his wife gave me my Hebrew names Batsheva Shemariah when I was a wee young lass. The Rebbetzin gave me the second name as she and my mother felt that I had the personality and the mouth to pull off two names. Just for the record, my Hebrew names have the initials BS...all I'm saying.
I took the sign as a sign. I was meant to be there in that synagogue. I survived the services, made a friend Morty (what? A Jewish man named Morty? unheard of!), turned down an Aliyah because I didn't know what it was and turned down covering the Torah because I didn't know how. Could I possibly stick out any more than I already did? Might as well have worn a clown costume. Point is, I didn't hate it. It wasn't bad and it did not discourage me. I've made a bigger arse of myself in the past, this was nothing.
And so the adventure began...
So for the last month, I have
- Attended services every Saturday night and a few evening services where I can
- I am now onto my third book called "Jew got questions?"
- Finally put up my mezuzahs (one on my doorway, one in my car)
- Signed up to volunteer with Circle of Care
- Can say/write/read the first 2 letters of the Hebrew alphabet Aleph and Bet
- Looking into getting a tutor/mentor
- Thought about the Cantor - good and bad
- Did the walk for Israel - Go team Adler!
Before I remove my eyes and hit the hay, I will share one more nugget. Tonight was a very big night for me. As I was following blindly in my Siddur (as I do every week), I happened to glance to the right side of the page where the words are in Hebrew (left is English). A word caught my eye. Israel. I RECOGNIZED IT! I couldn't tell you which letters were which, but I knew what that word was. I was so thrilled, I wanted to shout! Today I recognized a word. I even emailed Revi G and told him. I'm very proud of myself. Felt good. Hey, If I can figure out Advanced Applied Optics, I can learn an alphabet.
Baby steps......
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