Let's talk about sects

Well, another holiday season has come and gone. I prayed, I sang, was judged, asked for forgiveness, heard the shofar, touched the Torah scrolls (not code for anything), prayed at the ark, watched others fast, dipped my apples (again, not code), lit the candles, remembered the departed, threw a stone, turned another year older, finished the alphabet and supped in a sukkah.

So, lads and lassies, what have I learned from all this eating, praying and loving? Despite all the constant talking and socializing around me, Shul is not so torturous, especially when I can follow along in the siddur; you don't get the honour of opening/closing the ark if you are sitting alone; it's a little tacky to mention politics in a sermon; never wear heals to service; we eat way too many carbs; talking about eyeballs at the dining table is not for everyone; King David wine is not a consumable beverage; I throw a stone like a girl; eating in a sukkah is kinda cool, and I need to lose at least 10 pounds to fit back into my pants.

Most importantly, I discovered that many people were in the same situation as myself in regards to obtaining a ticket to attend services and they all end up at Chabad. The reason many people go there (or other Orthodox synagogues) is that they are free or have a minimal charge or donation, opposed to the $200+ that others charge per ticket. Some even charge on top of the membership fees. On the other hand, it does make sense, especially when most congregants only come for one day and stay for (maybe) an hour – even the RD mentioned the short yet brief attendances (or lack thereof) in one of his sermons. I’m all for a pay-what-you-can system, or for those who are clocking their time, enforce metered seating and charge by the hour. As long as we make an appearance, no matter how brief, that's all that matters, right?

Just to drive my point home, allow me to pose a question; if you were to spend $400 for 2 tickets to a theatre show, would you leave 45 minutes into it because you were bored and weren’t enjoying it? NO! Of course you wouldn’t; you would say that between the cost, the effort of getting dressed, driving to the theatre and parking, it would be a complete waste so you were staying until the end – no matter what. So what's the big deal if you stay longer than an hour at Shul? You already took the day off of work and your family's luncheon starts after 1pm anyway. Or, why don't you scalp or give your ticket to someone who actually wants to be there instead of your one-hour-once-a-year cameo? Must be nice to have a disposable income. End of that rant.

 

So how do you start the new year off right? By going on a hot date with a cool rabbi! Technically, it was a meeting (not a date) that I booked with Revi G a month ago and he wanted to go for a walk during my allotted time, but potato/potahto. Besides, considering my waist's recent expansion, I needed the exercise, and it's nice to talk to a man who thinks on and with his feet opposed to a different body part. We talked about the different sects of Judaism, why there were so many and the differences between them. According to the list I had compiled, I was up to 27 and had learned a new one that morning; Charedi Light - which is like regular Charedi, but with half of the calories, and less trembling. After much explaining and a few "I really don't know"s thrown in the mix, the end result was him telling me to stop with the research. Alrighty then.

So onto the random question portion of the show. He allowed me to ask him whatever I wanted and he answered them honestly and as best as he could. We discussed shtetls and women's role in the synagogue, the duty of minyans, musical references and even a traffic lesson thrown in for good measure. All in all I would say that it was a great non-date date. I learned, we laughed, my butt had some exercise, and he didn't off me in the forest and leave my corpse for the coyotes. Even if he did, I was recording the conversation so there would have been 'evidence'.

Aside from that, I finished learning the Hebrew alphabet and we (P in T and I) are onto lesson #2, whatever that is. I still want to master making and braiding challah, writing Hebrew, and perhaps taking a class or two. We'll see what happens. In the mean time, I have a licensing exam to study for so I am going back to the books for a study-cation. Leshanah Tovah!

Baby steps..