We are told that we are not to question G-d as to why He does what He does. This past Monday night, He made a decision that I will not question. As my mother lay in her hospital bed, my sister was deciding whether to go home for a rest or stay the night with me. For an hour, she could not make up her mind on what to do. That is when my phone rang. My dog had escaped a friend's yard and ran away into a local park just before 10pm. I looked at my mother, then my sister and said "we'll it looks like the decision has been made for you".
My sister went home to rest, and I (with a few friends and 2 pajama-clad children) searched for the beast with no luck. I wasn't angry or upset, I knew that G-d did this on purpose and hoped all would be fine. I went back to the hospital and received a call that the dog had quite the adventure and was found a few kilometers from my friend's house. Safe, tired, hungry, and wanting to go home. Only this could happen to me. I thanked the couple, brought him home, and back to the hospital, some time after 2am. Whew.
After all was said and done, I was there to say goodbye to mum when she passed a few hours later. My sister really wanted to be with mum 'when it happened' and I did not. In the end, I was there and she was not. We both did not get what we wanted, and the decision was made for us. My mum was behind this whole scheme, trust me. She's sneaky that way. My mother was a stubborn, cheeky English b***h, teasing and poking fun at us right up to the end, and made a June morning the temperature of January. Wind included. Everyone knew it and that she was laughing at us suffering in the cold.
Mum's passing (to me) was more of a relief than sadness. Her neshamah is finally free from the body that weighed her down for the last few years. She was not a very religious woman, but was proud of her Jewish identity, learned as much as she could of Judaism, celebrated the holidays, and told us every time we got hurt that (insert snarky British accent) "G-d is punishing you for being mean to or speaking bad to your mother." I usually spoke my mind to her and held nothing back (despite knowing the wrath of Claire and what could be), so when a friend suggested say whatever I needed to get off my chest before she passed away, the only thing that came to mind was that I hated her beef stew. Narsty, starchy and gray. HATED it, dreaded it, tossed it in the loo. There, now it's out in the open, may she rest in peas.
I have seen many signs this last week that reaffirm G-d is present, listening, and has a sense of humor; I prayed for mum to eat and she did, I needed us to giggle, and he brought us someone to allow us to laugh till we cried, and after my sissy mentioned mac and cheese, He brought her a plate of it for lunch the next day. Really. So with my dog waiting for me on my bed, I thank G-d for bringing my sweet, horrible monkey into my life; who makes me laugh, comforts me, brings joy to so many people and helps me sleep. Even my mother liked him. So when he pishes on the floor, I can hear her say (insert snarky British accent) "serves you right, you the one who wanted a dog."
..baby steps
Monday 13 June 2016
Monday 21 March 2016
A tisket, a tasket, a little Purim basket
Hope you brought a snack....
During my studycation I had a bit of an argument with a friend of mine while perusing a Mennonite bakery. In the small retail section of the establishment was a spinner rack of books. As I was giving it a twirl, one jumped out at me; 'The Story of Esther' (a children's illustrated book). I was going to purchase it for a certain 4-year old monkey, until I began to read it from cover to cover. When I finished, I was confused and a little angry. No where in this book did it use the word Jew or Jewish to describe Esther, or "her people". Meh?
I showed the book to my friend and told her the error on leaving out the most important fact in this book; ESTHER WAS JEWISH and the King set a decree to kill ALL the Jews. My darling friend did not understand why I was upset or what the big deal was - it's still the same story, right? Esther from the bible? What does it matter? And there we stood, surrounded by lard-filled pies, home made jams and knitted things, arguing until we finally gave up our stances, dropped the subject and purchased some baked goods. Just for the record, she also showed me an article from a Christian magazine that said that we will all return to Israel, rebuild the temple and be at peace through the help of Jesus Christ, but I digress...
So what was my non-hormone, locally raised beef about with this book? The facts ma'am, just the facts. By not educating the reader of the particulars of the actual story, you are grossly misleading them. When they refer to the Jews as "her people," they could mean anyone; her family, neighbours, other women, etc. but those in the know, KNOW, (don't you know). The core of the story is the salvation of the JEWISH PEOPLE from being annihilated. So what is the point of publishing a story that thousands of Jews around the world read together and celebrate, by purposely leaving out the heart and soul of it because it was made by a Christian publishing company and being sold in a Mennonite eatery, out in farm country? Don't want the children to know there are Jews in the bible?
The Megillat Esther tells how Mordechai told her to hide her true religion (not the over-priced jeans) from Achashverosh and those around him, presumably out of fear for her safety. How many of us have a mother who said at one point when you were young 'don't let them know you're Jewish.' Growing up in a multicultural neighbourhood and going to school where I was the Jewish and the visible minority put the paranoia in my mother's head way too often that G-d forbid (poo poo poo) something horrible will happen if they(?) knew. Like Mordechai, perhaps she had a sense of foreboding; the fear of possible persecution from those who hold animosity towards us and what may or may not follow after the reveal of who we are. Turns out their instincts were correct - please don't tell my mother.
Esther was willing to sacrifice her own life in order to save others. Approaching the king without permission was in itself enough to be executed. Not only did she take a risk to go before the king, she put her life on the line when she admitted that she was the same as the people Haman (boo) ordered to be attacked. The word Purim comes from the word pur which means lot. This is usually referred to the 'lot' that Haman (boo) used to determine when to attack the Jews. However, Mirriam Webster also defines lot as "one's way of life or worldly fate; fortune"- and it was Esther's lot in life that she was chosen to be queen and she was asked save the Jews from impending genocide. Quite a lot, if you ask me.
So when I look back to the episode in the bakery (oh, the cheesecake) or think about my mother and her warnings, I realize that we shouldn't be scared to hide behind a façade, veil or mask from the world. Those who hate are going to hate, no matter what. If the Megillah did not use the word Jew or Jewish, would it still hold the same weight and meaning as it does now? WE would understand the meaning behind the story and the who's and the how's, but would we look at Purim differently or celebrate it differently? We've all made it this far; thank you Esther and Mordechai! So please pass the hamantashen and wine and lets get silly.
baby steps...
During my studycation I had a bit of an argument with a friend of mine while perusing a Mennonite bakery. In the small retail section of the establishment was a spinner rack of books. As I was giving it a twirl, one jumped out at me; 'The Story of Esther' (a children's illustrated book). I was going to purchase it for a certain 4-year old monkey, until I began to read it from cover to cover. When I finished, I was confused and a little angry. No where in this book did it use the word Jew or Jewish to describe Esther, or "her people". Meh?
I showed the book to my friend and told her the error on leaving out the most important fact in this book; ESTHER WAS JEWISH and the King set a decree to kill ALL the Jews. My darling friend did not understand why I was upset or what the big deal was - it's still the same story, right? Esther from the bible? What does it matter? And there we stood, surrounded by lard-filled pies, home made jams and knitted things, arguing until we finally gave up our stances, dropped the subject and purchased some baked goods. Just for the record, she also showed me an article from a Christian magazine that said that we will all return to Israel, rebuild the temple and be at peace through the help of Jesus Christ, but I digress...
So what was my non-hormone, locally raised beef about with this book? The facts ma'am, just the facts. By not educating the reader of the particulars of the actual story, you are grossly misleading them. When they refer to the Jews as "her people," they could mean anyone; her family, neighbours, other women, etc. but those in the know, KNOW, (don't you know). The core of the story is the salvation of the JEWISH PEOPLE from being annihilated. So what is the point of publishing a story that thousands of Jews around the world read together and celebrate, by purposely leaving out the heart and soul of it because it was made by a Christian publishing company and being sold in a Mennonite eatery, out in farm country? Don't want the children to know there are Jews in the bible?
The Megillat Esther tells how Mordechai told her to hide her true religion (not the over-priced jeans) from Achashverosh and those around him, presumably out of fear for her safety. How many of us have a mother who said at one point when you were young 'don't let them know you're Jewish.' Growing up in a multicultural neighbourhood and going to school where I was the Jewish and the visible minority put the paranoia in my mother's head way too often that G-d forbid (poo poo poo) something horrible will happen if they(?) knew. Like Mordechai, perhaps she had a sense of foreboding; the fear of possible persecution from those who hold animosity towards us and what may or may not follow after the reveal of who we are. Turns out their instincts were correct - please don't tell my mother.
Esther was willing to sacrifice her own life in order to save others. Approaching the king without permission was in itself enough to be executed. Not only did she take a risk to go before the king, she put her life on the line when she admitted that she was the same as the people Haman (boo) ordered to be attacked. The word Purim comes from the word pur which means lot. This is usually referred to the 'lot' that Haman (boo) used to determine when to attack the Jews. However, Mirriam Webster also defines lot as "one's way of life or worldly fate; fortune"- and it was Esther's lot in life that she was chosen to be queen and she was asked save the Jews from impending genocide. Quite a lot, if you ask me.
So when I look back to the episode in the bakery (oh, the cheesecake) or think about my mother and her warnings, I realize that we shouldn't be scared to hide behind a façade, veil or mask from the world. Those who hate are going to hate, no matter what. If the Megillah did not use the word Jew or Jewish, would it still hold the same weight and meaning as it does now? WE would understand the meaning behind the story and the who's and the how's, but would we look at Purim differently or celebrate it differently? We've all made it this far; thank you Esther and Mordechai! So please pass the hamantashen and wine and lets get silly.
baby steps...
Monday 1 February 2016
Are you there G-d? It's me, Lisa
I have come to the realization that I am a full-time Therapist and part-time Optician. Did I go to college, study psychology and earn a diploma or degree? Nope. Just part of the job, which (by the way) was NOT in my contract. I may never understand what it is about me that makes (most) people pour out their heart and souls, tell me their life stories and kvetch about their problems. I am used to strangers and customers telling me about their travels, love lives, family matters, politically incorrect racist remarks and infrequent bowel movements (not kidding on that one). I just want to know if you want the glasses? It's these kind of moments that make me laugh to myself when I think about the Cantor who said that he felt he could not talk to me. Things that make you say hmmmmm.
This week I have listened to a racist, empathized with a friend who is divorcing her husband, sympathized with a woman who checked herself into a mental hospital, and helped a senior who needed someone to care about her. The funny thing is, I don't really know these people that well; they are acquaintances, customers and strangers and they consider me a good enough friend and/or confidant to share with me. I really should start charging - hey, even Lucy made a few coins, why can't I? Whatever 'it' is, people find some kind of comfort with me - and just spill their beans.
Perhaps it's easier to talk to someone we don't really know that well, opposed to a family member or long-time friend? Maybe the fear of shame or embarrassment of telling someone you know is too much to handle? I know that there are things I cannot share with certain people, and with others I have verbal diarrhea. That's just me. Sometimes I just have a one-way convo with G-d, usually when I'm in my car. Our little chit chats. Doesn't everyone speak to Him? Sometimes I just clear my mind or vent, sometimes I question things, sometimes I ask for things, sometimes I feel like a nut, sometimes I don't. I find it easier to speak to Him than to find the courage to speak to a friend; and unlike speaking to a friend, G-d may not always give us the answers we want to hear or present them in a way that we like. Typical.
We are supposed to talk to G-d every day with prayer; we acknowledge His presence and influence, we pray at meal time, we speak of the miracles that He performed, and we "Baruch HaShem" left, right and center. But how often does your average Joseph actually talk, not kvetch, to Him?
Before my exams I would ask G-d to "help me used the brain He gave me," or asked to "please keep me calm" as I would pace the hall - apparently, freaking out for a full week (at least) before is a 'family trait', lucky me. I always, and I mean ALWAYS said "thank you" when it was over and again when I received the results. I wasn't asking for A's (although they are nice to see), I was asking to help me do my best with the tools that He lent me - this body is a loner, after all.
My friend Dee Dee says she questions herself as to whether or not she is using the gifts that G-d gave her to her full potential (whatever they may be) and whether she is really listening when He 'talks'. I said as long as we acknowledge whether we are or not using them well is the first step. My communications teacher said that we all need to practice 'effective listening' to show others that we are giving them our full attention to what they are saying to us and that we are genuinely interested in what they have to say. So whether I'm sitting with a friend, retired marine, restless housewife, or new customer, I need to use my gift of putting people at ease to my full potential and effectively listening to what they have to say. Or tune them out and hope the phone rings. 8)
baby steps...
Thursday 7 January 2016
A Jew in review
Well, another year has come and gone - and boy what a year it has been. Aside from finishing school (finally) and becoming an optician, I have accomplished quite a few goals. This year was the first time in a long time that I made a list of things I wanted to do in 2015. I called it "2015; The year of ME". It isn't a list of resolutions, (although I did have a weight goal) but goals I wanted to accomplish, such as doing a 5K, writing and trying to cut down on the coffee. I can happily and proudly say that most of my list has been crossed off, although my brother in law never did give me a tennis lesson.
Included on this list is "go to more Jewish events + reading, doing" and that was a biggie. So for this secular year, I have now;
Not too shabby, I must say. There is more to add, but these are the biggies. As I ponder a list for 2016, I can't help to look back to see what I have accomplished this year and feel proud of myself. So I gained weight and lost another friend; I just had to replace her with a few new friends and bought some new clothes. Problem solved!
Websters defines the word resolution as "the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict." This makes me think that most people are using the word incorrectly to find an excuse to join a gym; unless you consider a 'conflict' being your hips fighting with your jeans for space, then so be it. When asked what our resolutions are for the year, we always give the usual answer; lose weight, stop smoking, read more, etc. But what exactly are we resolving and why wait until January 1st of each year to decide that smoking is bad for you? SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU ANY TIME OF THE YEAR! - just as a side bar, I used to smoke so I am allowed to judge here. And it's my blog. Tangent monitor!
My point is that if we are choosing to start the year (secular or Jewish) off on the right foot, we should really be thinking of goals to accomplish within that year. Attainable, realistic goals for ourselves, our families and community. We can diet, quit whatever and do better for ourselves at any time, if and when we choose to; not because it's the end of the year and time is running out. It doesn't necessarily have to be a big list, just one or two things; perhaps you want to be able to walk a certain distance without gasping for air, or decide to volunteer your time to an organization or synagogue, maybe you will finally finish that 'thing' you said you would get around to doing and haven't. Or, you just want to learn to play tennis because it seems like fun. Realistic goals. Hey, if you want to put 'climb Mount Kilimanjaro,' then I say go for it!
All in all, I would say the last half year was great. I wanted to relearn to read Hebrew because it' s something I wanted to do; it just happened that by chance (or was it?) I was lucky enough to be brought together with my P in T, and over the last 6 months, she has become a very dear friend to me and I am grateful to have her in my life. She is not only teaching me Hebrew, but educating me on Jewish culture and torah. It's like getting a second fortune in the cookie, spring rolls aside. I wanted to read and I gained a family. I went to Shul and made a friend M. (literally, one friend as nobody else speaks to me still), discovered an amazing family connection with the RD, and have a rabbi that I can harass with my questions. Not too Chablis.
So as I sit here scribbling ideas of what I would like to do within the next 12 months, I wonder what G-d has in store for me. Trip to Israel? learn to speak Hebrew or Yiddish? get a condo? bashert? winning the lottery? new hand blender? Only He knows, and He aint tellin me nuttin! Doesn't matter, because I'm always up for an adventure or a road trip, especially when teriyaki beef jerky and a cup of coffee are involved. No really, you have to try it.
Have a great year!
..baby steps
Included on this list is "go to more Jewish events + reading, doing" and that was a biggie. So for this secular year, I have now;
- started this blog
- got a P in T and study with her every week
- learning to read Hebrew
- volunteering for kosher Meals on Wheels
- attend evening services when I can
- attended high holiday services
- had my first Shabbos sleepover (in my birthday Hello Kitty pj's)
- ate supper in a sukkah - super fun, wasn't keen on the spring rolls
- learned to make challah (still working on that braid)
- tried socializing with a group of Jewish singles, but had to ditch them due to my low tolerance for stupid - but I gave it the old 'college try'
- keeping a kosher home
- toiveled some dishes
Not too shabby, I must say. There is more to add, but these are the biggies. As I ponder a list for 2016, I can't help to look back to see what I have accomplished this year and feel proud of myself. So I gained weight and lost another friend; I just had to replace her with a few new friends and bought some new clothes. Problem solved!
Websters defines the word resolution as "the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict." This makes me think that most people are using the word incorrectly to find an excuse to join a gym; unless you consider a 'conflict' being your hips fighting with your jeans for space, then so be it. When asked what our resolutions are for the year, we always give the usual answer; lose weight, stop smoking, read more, etc. But what exactly are we resolving and why wait until January 1st of each year to decide that smoking is bad for you? SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU ANY TIME OF THE YEAR! - just as a side bar, I used to smoke so I am allowed to judge here. And it's my blog. Tangent monitor!
My point is that if we are choosing to start the year (secular or Jewish) off on the right foot, we should really be thinking of goals to accomplish within that year. Attainable, realistic goals for ourselves, our families and community. We can diet, quit whatever and do better for ourselves at any time, if and when we choose to; not because it's the end of the year and time is running out. It doesn't necessarily have to be a big list, just one or two things; perhaps you want to be able to walk a certain distance without gasping for air, or decide to volunteer your time to an organization or synagogue, maybe you will finally finish that 'thing' you said you would get around to doing and haven't. Or, you just want to learn to play tennis because it seems like fun. Realistic goals. Hey, if you want to put 'climb Mount Kilimanjaro,' then I say go for it!
All in all, I would say the last half year was great. I wanted to relearn to read Hebrew because it' s something I wanted to do; it just happened that by chance (or was it?) I was lucky enough to be brought together with my P in T, and over the last 6 months, she has become a very dear friend to me and I am grateful to have her in my life. She is not only teaching me Hebrew, but educating me on Jewish culture and torah. It's like getting a second fortune in the cookie, spring rolls aside. I wanted to read and I gained a family. I went to Shul and made a friend M. (literally, one friend as nobody else speaks to me still), discovered an amazing family connection with the RD, and have a rabbi that I can harass with my questions. Not too Chablis.
So as I sit here scribbling ideas of what I would like to do within the next 12 months, I wonder what G-d has in store for me. Trip to Israel? learn to speak Hebrew or Yiddish? get a condo? bashert? winning the lottery? new hand blender? Only He knows, and He aint tellin me nuttin! Doesn't matter, because I'm always up for an adventure or a road trip, especially when teriyaki beef jerky and a cup of coffee are involved. No really, you have to try it.
Have a great year!
..baby steps
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