We are told that we are not to question G-d as to why He does what He does. This past Monday night, He made a decision that I will not question. As my mother lay in her hospital bed, my sister was deciding whether to go home for a rest or stay the night with me. For an hour, she could not make up her mind on what to do. That is when my phone rang. My dog had escaped a friend's yard and ran away into a local park just before 10pm. I looked at my mother, then my sister and said "we'll it looks like the decision has been made for you".
My sister went home to rest, and I (with a few friends and 2 pajama-clad children) searched for the beast with no luck. I wasn't angry or upset, I knew that G-d did this on purpose and hoped all would be fine. I went back to the hospital and received a call that the dog had quite the adventure and was found a few kilometers from my friend's house. Safe, tired, hungry, and wanting to go home. Only this could happen to me. I thanked the couple, brought him home, and back to the hospital, some time after 2am. Whew.
After all was said and done, I was there to say goodbye to mum when she passed a few hours later. My sister really wanted to be with mum 'when it happened' and I did not. In the end, I was there and she was not. We both did not get what we wanted, and the decision was made for us. My mum was behind this whole scheme, trust me. She's sneaky that way. My mother was a stubborn, cheeky English b***h, teasing and poking fun at us right up to the end, and made a June morning the temperature of January. Wind included. Everyone knew it and that she was laughing at us suffering in the cold.
Mum's passing (to me) was more of a relief than sadness. Her neshamah is finally free from the body that weighed her down for the last few years. She was not a very religious woman, but was proud of her Jewish identity, learned as much as she could of Judaism, celebrated the holidays, and told us every time we got hurt that (insert snarky British accent) "G-d is punishing you for being mean to or speaking bad to your mother." I usually spoke my mind to her and held nothing back (despite knowing the wrath of Claire and what could be), so when a friend suggested say whatever I needed to get off my chest before she passed away, the only thing that came to mind was that I hated her beef stew. Narsty, starchy and gray. HATED it, dreaded it, tossed it in the loo. There, now it's out in the open, may she rest in peas.
I have seen many signs this last week that reaffirm G-d is present, listening, and has a sense of humor; I prayed for mum to eat and she did, I needed us to giggle, and he brought us someone to allow us to laugh till we cried, and after my sissy mentioned mac and cheese, He brought her a plate of it for lunch the next day. Really. So with my dog waiting for me on my bed, I thank G-d for bringing my sweet, horrible monkey into my life; who makes me laugh, comforts me, brings joy to so many people and helps me sleep. Even my mother liked him. So when he pishes on the floor, I can hear her say (insert snarky British accent) "serves you right, you the one who wanted a dog."
..baby steps
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