Chanukah candles are wick-ed

I'm a slacker, I get it. But I did pass my board exams (all 12 of em) and I am now an Optician!

On with it then...

Charity Rant #2

Tis the season of love, compassion, peas on earth, goodwill to men and charities asking for donations left, right and center. In the malls we have the nerve-testing sounds of jingle bells being incessantly rung by good-deeders (my blog, my word) while singing off-key toned-deaf versions of whichever Christmas carol is in their head, drumming up donations for the Sally Ann; various food banks (including my synagogue) asking for non-perishable food items to be handed out to those who need; meals on wheels asking for more of my time because most of their volunteers are going to Florida; cashiers asking me if I would like to donate $1 to whomever they are supporting this season; and so on....

It's enough that my friends and nephews get a chunk of my hard earned non-existent Canadian pennies to appease them with gifts, never mind donating toys to children with Christmas wishes. With all this holiday bombardment, it can feel like there is no escape from it all. It almost seems like no one is in the spirit of giving. Well, all these volunteers are 'giving' their time to help collect cans, jingle bells and dole out scrambled eggs at the soup kitchen; but where are they the rest of the year? Why is it that people decide to help others once a year when they feel its necessary? Jews usually put in the extra effort before the high holy days because we are about to be judged, so might as well get in those extra brownie points. Most people tend to feel a little more generous around Thanksgiving and Christmas because as we are grateful for what we have, we are supposed to think about those who aren't as fortunate.

Wait a minute! Hold the phone! Stop the presses! Don't food banks need canned goods all year round? Does the Salvation Army only collect once a year? Do soup kitchens and homeless shelters really run 365 days a year? The answer is 'duh'. Or is it 42?

We should be in the spirit of tzedakah all the time, not just during a commercial holiday or when it suits us. Yes, we have our collections of pushka boxes in our homes, but sometimes holding a door for someone or listening to an ex-marine talk about the good ole days can have more impact than a coin in a box or spending 2 hours a year sorting through canned beans and dried pasta. Why do we need an excuse to do a mitzvah?  Happy Tuesday, go help your neighbour. The sun is shining, how about carring someone's grocery bags; you woke up today, volunteer at the senior's home...have I made my point yet?

So amidst all this holiday revelry, gift giving, latka eating and charity donating, there is a small group of people doing their best to give and not receive, while reminding us of who we are and our duty as Jews; the Chabad Lubavitchers. To some, they are as annoying as a door-knocking-white-smiled-crew-cut-happy-go-lucky G-d fearing Mormon, but to others, they are a joy to see. They are standing on street corners or outside grocery stores, going door to door in apartment buildings, driving around town in a 'mitzvot tank' blasting holiday klezmer music, and asking people 3 simple questions;

1. Are you Jewish?
2. Do you have a menorah?
3. Do you have candles?

If you are not Jewish, they ask if you are aware that it's Chanukah and may share its story, if you do not have a menorah they will give you one and if you need candles, you are given a box. They do not preach, they do not try to convert, they do not harass - they simply want everyone to celebrate the joy of our holiday. Although my little sister was convinced they were stalking her and found them bothersome, I think its endearing and thoughtful that they will give to anyone who wants to celebrate and they ask for nothing in return. Not even a dollar. So what's with all the hubub, bub? By simply lighting our candles, we are remembering our history of how we survived and the miracles G-d gave us. How's that for a donation?

I heard a rabbi say that it is our job (as Jews) to add light and to spread light into the world. With all the terrorism and hatred we are hearing about every day, it seems that we are surrounded by a lot of darkness. By simply lighting our candles, we are showing that we are Jews, we are proud of who we are and will always shine and survive the darkness. Revi G spoke about "having strong, empathetic community responses..supporting Jewish organizations.. and expanding our culture.." during his first sermon on Yom Kippur. So why not give a menorah to someone who doesn't have one? Why not invite someone to share a Shabbat with your family? Jews are obligated to do mitzvot and tzedakah every day, so why not take up the attitude that we want to do it instead of we have to do it.

After all, wouldn't it be great if all the food banks, soup kitchens, seniors organizations and salvation army coin boxes of the world would never have to campaign because they had enough money and volunteers to give to those who need their services? It would be even better if no one needed to use their services, but until that happens we need to do our part, and not just once a year. Be a candle for your family and be an example - and perhaps more candles will be lit, and the world will be a brighter place. And G-d bless us everyone.

This rant has been brought to you by the letter 'C' and the number '7'


baby steps...

*UPDATE : kosher meals on wheels made and delivered over 125,000 meals in 2015!!! wow.

Let's talk about sects

Well, another holiday season has come and gone. I prayed, I sang, was judged, asked for forgiveness, heard the shofar, touched the Torah scrolls (not code for anything), prayed at the ark, watched others fast, dipped my apples (again, not code), lit the candles, remembered the departed, threw a stone, turned another year older, finished the alphabet and supped in a sukkah.

So, lads and lassies, what have I learned from all this eating, praying and loving? Despite all the constant talking and socializing around me, Shul is not so torturous, especially when I can follow along in the siddur; you don't get the honour of opening/closing the ark if you are sitting alone; it's a little tacky to mention politics in a sermon; never wear heals to service; we eat way too many carbs; talking about eyeballs at the dining table is not for everyone; King David wine is not a consumable beverage; I throw a stone like a girl; eating in a sukkah is kinda cool, and I need to lose at least 10 pounds to fit back into my pants.

Most importantly, I discovered that many people were in the same situation as myself in regards to obtaining a ticket to attend services and they all end up at Chabad. The reason many people go there (or other Orthodox synagogues) is that they are free or have a minimal charge or donation, opposed to the $200+ that others charge per ticket. Some even charge on top of the membership fees. On the other hand, it does make sense, especially when most congregants only come for one day and stay for (maybe) an hour – even the RD mentioned the short yet brief attendances (or lack thereof) in one of his sermons. I’m all for a pay-what-you-can system, or for those who are clocking their time, enforce metered seating and charge by the hour. As long as we make an appearance, no matter how brief, that's all that matters, right?

Just to drive my point home, allow me to pose a question; if you were to spend $400 for 2 tickets to a theatre show, would you leave 45 minutes into it because you were bored and weren’t enjoying it? NO! Of course you wouldn’t; you would say that between the cost, the effort of getting dressed, driving to the theatre and parking, it would be a complete waste so you were staying until the end – no matter what. So what's the big deal if you stay longer than an hour at Shul? You already took the day off of work and your family's luncheon starts after 1pm anyway. Or, why don't you scalp or give your ticket to someone who actually wants to be there instead of your one-hour-once-a-year cameo? Must be nice to have a disposable income. End of that rant.

 

So how do you start the new year off right? By going on a hot date with a cool rabbi! Technically, it was a meeting (not a date) that I booked with Revi G a month ago and he wanted to go for a walk during my allotted time, but potato/potahto. Besides, considering my waist's recent expansion, I needed the exercise, and it's nice to talk to a man who thinks on and with his feet opposed to a different body part. We talked about the different sects of Judaism, why there were so many and the differences between them. According to the list I had compiled, I was up to 27 and had learned a new one that morning; Charedi Light - which is like regular Charedi, but with half of the calories, and less trembling. After much explaining and a few "I really don't know"s thrown in the mix, the end result was him telling me to stop with the research. Alrighty then.

So onto the random question portion of the show. He allowed me to ask him whatever I wanted and he answered them honestly and as best as he could. We discussed shtetls and women's role in the synagogue, the duty of minyans, musical references and even a traffic lesson thrown in for good measure. All in all I would say that it was a great non-date date. I learned, we laughed, my butt had some exercise, and he didn't off me in the forest and leave my corpse for the coyotes. Even if he did, I was recording the conversation so there would have been 'evidence'.

Aside from that, I finished learning the Hebrew alphabet and we (P in T and I) are onto lesson #2, whatever that is. I still want to master making and braiding challah, writing Hebrew, and perhaps taking a class or two. We'll see what happens. In the mean time, I have a licensing exam to study for so I am going back to the books for a study-cation. Leshanah Tovah!

Baby steps..

 

 

 

 

 

One of these things is NOT like the other

As I journey into the worm-holed vortex of Judaism, I am trying to understand why there are so many branches on the same tree. As far as my knowledge of Jewish sects (not sex, THAT is another blog altogether), I know of the following streams;

1. Reconstructionist - Jews hanging out, going for coffee
2. Humanistic - which is as close to Christianity as a Jew will get without stepping foot into a church.
3. Reform - which is like a loose version of Conservative, but with more guitars and music.
4. Conservative - the norm, average, can wear pants and do as we please.
5. Conservadox - little more strict with the kosher, skirts at Shul, few more rules observed.
6. Orthodox - Self explanatory.
7. Modern Orthodox - same as original, more technology and more tolerate of secular society.
8. Ultra Orthodox/Chassidic/Lubavitch - a.k.a. Black hats. Again, self explanatory. black n white, wigs, lots of kids.
9. Bobov - as close to God as you're gonna get. Super duper pooper religious.

And here I thought Christians were lifted and separated. But wait! There's more. Let me throw in a few extra buds on the branches, just for kicks; Sephardic, Ashkenazi, Dati, Hiloni, Satmar, Chabad, Litvish, Breslover, Frum...I could go on, but it's too much work and I can't be bothered. What is my point with all this? Good question. If Judaism is based on the concept of monotheism, accepts that all people are equal in God's eyes, no one is superior to another and we all have equal dignity, then why can't we all just get along? Never mind that, why the heck are there so many streams of Judaism? Even within the Orthodox movement, there are various levels and types of observances. There are so many levels within the levels, it makes the CN Tower look like a duplex.

It seems that Orthodox Jews (I'm corralling them all here for a point) don't see eye-to-eye with the non-Orthodox Jews (again, corralling) because they do not agree with the way they dress, follow the laws of kashrut or halachah, raise their children, or how often they go to synagogue. On the other hand, non-Orthodox Jews don't see eye-to-eye with Orthodox Jews because they do not agree with the way they dress, follow the laws of kashrut or halachah, raise their children, or how often they go to synagogue. If you don't live or conduct yourself the way I do, or I don't agree with your life choices, then your way is the wrong way and you cannot convince me otherwise or change my opinion. There is no happy middle ground when it comes to the different denominations (or lack, thereof) of Judaism. Why do we have to have a 'my way or the highway' attitude? This stubborn, ignorant style of linear thinking is for the birds and perhaps we need to agree to disagree instead of disregarding the other person. Or get a bird feeder.

As I trudge on with my Jewventures, I am looking forward to the upcoming days of awe and the yearly pity-vites from friends, family and whomever else feels sorry for me and my singleness by extending various dining offers in my direction. This I am used to. So I was quite stumped when I was disinvited to a Rosh Hashanah meal for 'not being religious enough' – yes, you read it correctly. Just for the record, I have been asked to leave several coffee shops, one or two restaurants, and quite a few parties and homes for overstaying my welcome and/or being too loud, but I have never had a dinner invitation rescinded. Because I am not orthodox, I am not permitted to dine with my P in T and her family on Shabbat or Yom Tov because I need to drive myself home so I can attend Shul the next morning for services. Despite the offer to stay the night I must still break a rule and drive. I'm okay with this, but they are not as they follow the laws of halachah more strictly than I do. It seems that the sin of driving on Yontif or Shabbat supersedes the mitzvah of going to Shul – ‘splain that one to me, Lucy!

The only way for me to wrap my noodle around this is to conclude that although she may 'understand' my lifestyle and conservative ways (oh, the horror) she does not, and perhaps will not accept it. Am I mad? No. Little insulted, not surprised, should have known better, wish people were more flexible, but that's the way the matzo crumbles. In most conservative synagogues, the Rabbis are okay with a person driving on the Sabbath, as long as they are going to shul -  as they would rather you break a commandment than not show up to pray. This is one of those situations where it would have been best to not have extended the invitation in the first place. That's okay, I've had 2 more supper invitations for that night, so all is well in the land of brisket.

On the flip-side to this charming anecdote, a friend of mine was referred to as being "too Jewish" by her brother-in-law. Considering that she is not orthodox, does NOT keep a kosher home or attends shul on any kind of semi-regular basis, I am dumbfounded as to why she was given the honor of this title. How can someone who is married to a Jewish woman (he is not) and have a Jewish child make such a comment? It doesn't even matter what the reasoning behind it is, because the words outweigh the meaning; ironically, by his same standards, I must be half a step away from an arranged marriage and doing a half-pike swan dive into the nearest mikvah - NO SPLASH!

"The important thing is not how many separate commandments we obey, but the spirit in which we obey them" - Baal Shem Tov

baby steps...

It was easier to get tickets to Elton John

Well it’s that time of year again for the obligatory attendance at Shul for the high holy days. For most Jews, this is the only time of year that they are at services; others may also come for Kaddish, but for the most part, just these few days.

Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year’s celebration where apples and honey are a-plenty, we eat too much, and hear the shofar! With the addition of Yom Kippur; we fast, ask that our sins are forgiven, honor and remember those who have passed, clear up loans, perform extra mitzvot, and start anew with a clean slate. We are being judged, after all. More importantly, we get our hair, nails and makeup done, buy (at least) 2 new outfits with matching shoes, and make sure we look fabulous when we are `seen` at synagogue. After all, NO ONE wants to be in the same designer outfit (with matching hat?) that they wore to temple last year. Really!

It is almost as exciting as sitting at the Ritz Carlton during the Toronto International Film Festival waiting to see who will show up, and with whom. The who’s who of the Jewish community arrive in all their Chanel splendor; like peacocks with hats, pressed garments, botoxed forheads and shiny patented leather shoes, making sure that none of us common folk are sitting in their reserved seats. And much like an arts festival, there are billboards and media signs all over the place letting you know that tickets are ‘on sale now’ and to 'get yours early before it's sold out'. What is this? Cirque Du Soliel? I love religion; Mormons have portable leaflet stands, Evangelists have television and 1-800 numbers, and Jews have sandwich boards! Got an app for that too?

As a retired theatre technician, I know a bit about ticket selling and acquiring. No matter what, there are ALWAYS last-minute ticket deals and people who know people that can get you in. So imagine my ____________(insert appropriate word here; horror, chagrin, surprise, shock, disappointment, frustration, incomprehension, etc.) when I quickly found out the task that was before me; trying to get A (as in one, single, individual, only) ticket for myself for as close to free as I can get. Please remember I am in the process of completing my courses and now have to shell out $1600 to write an exam, so spending $200 to attend Shul is a lot of money to me right now. So with many phone calls, texts and favors asked, this is what I got;

Roadblock #1 – You have to be a member of the synagogue in order for you to get a ticket. No ‘outsiders’ allowed. Huh?

Roadblock #2 – Even though my father is on the board of directors, he cannot get you a ticket. Sorry. Okay..

Roadblock #3 – Only those who are attending services may volunteer as an usher because they are already here. No, you aren’t allowed to help out because you aren’t a member or have a ticket. What the what?

Roadblock #4 – Sure you can come to Chabad for free, but you will have to stand at the back of the room with everyone else. Sounds cozy.

Roadblock #5 – For $35, you can attend a lecture/seminar. It’s not a real service, but you are welcome to come. Alrighty then.

Can ANYONE feel my frustration? Anyone? Bueller?

My P in T asked me the other day if I ever had a problem, could I go to my Rabbi and talk to him about it? I said I didn't know, but I am always up for a challenge. So, with this in mind, I approached Revi G and asked if  he could recommend a synagogue that I could go to for services (aside from Chabad). Why? Because I am a poor, single student who is spending the last of her savings on an exam and cannot afford to pay. Humiliating enough? He said to leave it with him, and he would work on it and talk to a few people, then we will talk 'offline' about it. Ironically, I contacted him online to talk offline and he replied online to talk offline about what was said online. Got it? The end result is that he arranged for the Shul to allow me a ticket. I may have to sit with the livestock, clean the loos, work the coat check or wash his car, but I have a golden ticket and I'm off to the chocolate factory! THANK YOU, REVI G!!

So, am I telling you to harass your Rabbi for a comp? No. I am very fortunate that my Rabbi knows me, and that I am sincere, attend services on a regular basis, and that I actually want to be there. I also have to put up with his puns every week, but that is something else. Technically, I didn't ask him for a freebee, but that just happened to be the end result. He decided to do something nice for one of his congregants and did his big mitzvah before the holidays. Or, he just took pity on me, whatever works I suppose. I'm still honored and grateful.

People keep telling me that a Shul cannot turn you away, or try to negotiate with them and say what you can afford to pay. Well I am not willing to show up the day of and seeing what happens, nor am I going to beg and humiliate myself further - I've already asked for a 'student discount' on a membership, and was turned down. Look, I understand the concept of memberships and ticket sales - again, former theatre tech here, and that this is the time of year when synagogues make their money because people do not want to fork out the $1000+ to attend services a few times a year. But when a person calls up and says they want to be there, but needs a little help with the money situation, the Shul should be a little more accommodating - I did offer to usher as a barter. All I'm saying.

So with this hullabaloo behind me (I'll feel better with ticket in hand), I now need to press my dress, cut my hair, do my nails, match my shoes and wear the right accessories. Next year I will be able to purchase my ticket and buy that new outfit..with a matching hat, of course!

baby steps..

 

I hear the 'Pocket Jew' is all the rage

I would like to give a shout out to M and my P in T Amy – this one’s for you. Literally.

One of the first things I did when I began this journey was go to the library. There, I went to the religion section and took out a small stack of books to get me started. You may not be surprised as to how many books there are about Judaism, Jewish lifestyle, cooking, etc. In the back of the first book was a listing of websites of various Jewish organizations to further one’s questions and curiosities, one of which was an organization that pairs people with Torah partners. They match you with someone of a similar age and sex in your city to either meet in person or talk on the phone to discuss whatever you want to talk about in relation to Judaism (of course). After a telephone interview to find out what I would like to discuss, I am asked what is it that I am interested in learning? EVERYTHING! Is that too much? I hope you have someone to help me with this.  After a month of impatiently waiting (and a follow up phone call) they found me a tutor. Enter Amy *taaa daaa*.

My P in T (partner in Torah) Amy is a petite, frummy mummy with a smile that's infectious and a laugh to adore. A Sephardic woman (shtetl and all) who has agreed to take on the challenge of intentionally putting up with me and my inquisitive mind, poor thing. She insists that she isn't a teacher and not sure if she could give me Hebrew lessons. I beg to differ. First of all, she used to teach English; second, I say that if you know something that I do not and you are willing to help me learn about it, than THAT makes you a teacher. To further drive my point home, Merriam Webster defines teacher as 'a person who passes along information or skill'. Can't argue with that, so on with the show.

We are starting off semi-slowly teaching me to read and write Hebrew, although she insists I put off the writing for now. She constantly reminds me of what a mitzvah it is to learn Hebrew and study Torah, and I constantly remind her how I’m filling my time doing something I enjoy and want to do for myself. Potato, potahto, I suppose. The greatest surprise of all is that we are BOTH learning as we go. If there is a question that she does not know the answer to, she jots it down and gets back to me with the answer, providing her rabbi actually gives her one. I think the master is becoming the student, grasshopper. Now go paint the fence!

So when I went to Shul this past Saturday night, imagine my excitement when I was able to muddle through a few of the brachahs! Yay me! I got such a thrill that the ants in my pants were doing the Macarena. I kept asking M questions about words and pronunciations and I didn’t want to put down my siddur. Unfortunately when it was time for Kiddush, M and Revi G rather I sat in the dining room with everyone else opposed to sitting by myself and reading. Party poopers. For the first time since I have started to go to Shul, I really enjoyed it. More like I enjoyed following the text, but you get the picture. The funny thing is that as I'm reading, I have even more questions about texts, transliterations and pronunciations. Poor Amy. Now there's even more questions to not get answered adequately. So with borrowed siddur in hand (thank you RD) I trudge on..

With the reading well under way, we are going full-steam ahead! Next week I am learning to make a large batch of challah and perhaps finish the alphabet. With the high holy days around the corner, I would like to be able to follow along in the siddur better, providing that the Rabbi isn't speed reading. There is a ton for me to learn and do, and we're just getting started. I am very lucky to have a few people to help me out along the way. I'm grateful to have my friend M help me at Shul and set me straight, and my P in T for helping me to read and fulfill yet another goal. It's great to have someone to turn to for help when you need it; it's one thing to open a book or peruse a website, but there is something more reassuring and definite in speaking to someone face-to-face. Especially when they actually want to help you.

I want the world (or at least the 6 people reading this) to know that I think that M and Amy are the cat's arse and the bee's knees! And as they read this (that's 2 of the 6 already) I can hear them smile and feel them blush. So in case I haven't said it to their faces already, thank you!  8)

I will conclude this week's rant with a riddle; how do you get a straight answer from a Rabbi?

You don’t.


baby steps..

 

 

 

My over-education has prevented me from getting married

It seems that I am being reminded more than usual of my current relationship status by my friends and well-wishers alike inquiring into my love life and sending me postings of get-togethers, religious rants and cutesy romance pics. I appreciate the concern and strategically well-placed bits of useless advice. Really, I do. But YES, I've been on J-Date; YES, I go to Shul; YES, I try to go to as many Jewish events as I can; YES, I've been on many a shidduch - thank you for putting these great ideas in my head cause it NEVER occurred to me to try these things out. Over the years I have spent a small fortune on dating websites and various Jew-Dos with few results, aside from meeting my brother in law (prior to meeting my sister) at a lock and key party and meeting my X through a dating website. Despite 5+ years and a short engagement later, I’m still checking the ‘single’ option on my tax return. As Gina would say “you have to kiss a lot of frogs”- which is usually used in reference to choosing glasses, but it works well in this scenario. Regardless, I think I have a wart.

A friend of mine inadvertently sent me a blog posting the other day talking about what is considered  to be one of the happiest days of the year; the 15^th of Av which is the day that we celebrate love and matchmaking. The article tells of how back in the day, the daughters of Jerusalem would wear borrowed clothes and dance in the vineyards to try and catch the eye of any single man who may be looking for a bride. This being 2015, I need to modernize this concept. I could borrow my sister’s dress and go do the chicken dance in the liquor store as I live in Toronto and the closest vineyard would be at least a 2-3 hour drive away. Would this get me a date? Perhaps with a security guard or an orderly at the local psych ward. As much as I love my friend, the article didn’t do much for me or my ego.

If this was not bad enough, a few days later Revi G talked about it at shul. He spoke of the dancing daughters and how it’s a mitzvah to help us single folk. 'We need to think about our single friends and see how we can help them meet someone; invite them for Shabbat or help make a shidduch'. I noticed how he avoided eye contact with me while he spoke. I am the 'young' single woman of the group, after all.

It is said that God determines one’s soul mate 40 days before conception. That is some wacky pre-planning, especially when one may not even be a thought or consideration to their future parents at that time. Either way, if I do my math and calculate correctly, the 40 days + conception + pregnancy + 40 years (converting the day-to-year factor by x10 and cross multiply the fractions) then I am right on track and should be meeting my bashert ANY time now! Can you tell I achieved an A+ in math? The problem is that God may know who my soul mate is, but I don't. Like most people, we know what we like in the opposite sex and from experience, we know what we don't want. Our soul mate is exactly that; the other half of your soul, the missing part of your very being.

I recently read a great piece of advice on trying to decide if the person you are dating is the right one to marry. It said to take a piece of paper and make 3 columns and list them as ‘must haves’, ‘important to have’ and ‘bonuses’. Under each column it suggests to put as many items as you wish as this is supposed to be what one is seeking in their bashert. For example, under the first I put “makes me laugh and Jewish”, under the second I put “loves dogs” and “can cook” and under the last I put “tall and nerdy”. Yes, the geekier and lankier the better - but it doesn't mean that is who I will end up with. There really isn’t a right or wrong trait as this is what we are attracted to and our heart desires - and to see how many of these traits our prospective mates have. It is a good exercise to do, and when someone asks what you are looking for in a man/woman, we can refer back to the list. By the by, if I were Wiccan, the paper would have been set ablaze and the ashes buried. Whatever helps I say.

The problem is that we put too much pressure on ourselves and what we want from others. We have to lose those few pounds, do our hair and makeup, wear the right outfit and say the right things. Don't want to offend, or scare someone off. Don't talk about this or that, say that you love everything, and will go anywhere. Or, many people are alone because their list of 'must haves' is so long, there isn't any room for anything else. I read dating profiles and many men my age all want to meet a woman who is half their age, athletic and works out 6 days a week, cooks, cleans, religious, pious and can balance a plate on a pole on their nose while hula-hooping and braiding a challah. Can't YOU do all that?

Aside from the constant reminders of my singleness this week, one of the inspirations of this blog is the lack-of-dating theory someone told me the other day. She said that the reason for her being single and men not wanting do date her was what she referred to as “her three O’s”; she is overweight, overeducated and over-aged. I said with an attitude like that, I wouldn’t want to date you either. I think the O’s should have been overbearing, overly-annoying and over-negative. I wouldn’t say that being in one’s 40’s or 50’s is old, I was never a waif and always had a boyfriend or a date; I have spent 8 years of my adult life earning a degree (technically two) and a diploma and I am constantly wanting to expand my education and currently learning Hebrew and a hint of Russian. I love learning new things every day. How can a person possibly be over educated to the point that it is unattractive to the opposite sex? I knew there was a reason I wasn't married. Now I know. Please remember this is NOT a friend of mine, but an acquaintance of an acquaintance.

Yes, physical attraction is a factor in every relationship, but if a person has a lousy attitude and/or lack of confidence, they will come off as unattractive and will turn people off. No one is perfect, and I’ve only met one person who face and ears are symmetrical. It is our idiosyncrasies and imperfections that make who we are and if there is something that you do not like about yourself, then do something about it. It’s a matter of waiting to find someone who appreciates your quirks and adores you just the way you are.

A rabbi said that we need to explore our religion and like our lives and who we are first before looking for our bashert. Pray for others in the same situation as you, so you may receive the blessing first as well a your friend; do a mitzvah so that you will merit the blessing of finding your soul mate; put your faith and heart in God's hands and trust that His timing is always right. In the mean time, please stop kvetching to me cause I don't wanna hear it.

Baby steps..

 

 

Tikkun Olam- Repairing the world one chicken breast at a time

A.k.a. charity rant #1

 I just wrote my last 2 exams (of 8) and I am finally DONE school -  so now I can focus on the blog. Good to be back.

It seems that I can’t go anywhere without someone wanting to alleviate my burdened purse of any loose change that may be hiding within its many inside folds and pockets. Whether I am buying a coffee, grocery shopping, picking up the dry cleaning or going to the pharmacy; charity boxes are on every counter, cashiers ask if I would like to make a donation to something or a pan-handler is asking for change. Heck, even when I purchased my ‘dog repellent’ a portion of the sale went to the breast cancer society. Seriously. As much as I appreciate the good intention behind it, one can only be bombarded so much before it becomes too much and you want to give to no one.

Many families keep pushke boxes in the home to teach their children to give to others, usually to their synagogue. We were taught to help those in need and give where and when we can, whether it’s a few dimes in the box, canned goods to the food bank, or buying a pizza slice at school to help raise money for whatever. But is giving a few coins here and there, making a monthly donation, supporting a child in need or writing a massive cheque enough? Is a shiny new wing of a building or a new park really healing the world? Do we need to build another school or just try to fix up the existing ones? Are we giving because we are told that it is the right thing to do, that as Jews we should and have to, or are we giving because we truly want to? Either way, you can’t beat that tax receipt. Right?

Many synagogues have tikkun olam programs where they choose a charity or project that they are raising money for with the intention of bringing together the congregants to perform their duty of giving to others in order to heal the world. Traditionally, the act of tzedakah says that Jews are supposed to give 10% of their income to charity or whatever they can give. If you were to look around our Jewish neighbourhoods  you will see all the benefactor’s names who have given their share (or more) on the sides of buildings, busses, ambulances, benches, halls, trees, plaques and walls of various materials – this by the way, drives me nuts. Why does one have such a need of recognitions that they advertise their name in large font letters for anyone walking by to see? Thank you should be enough, but I digress..

Maimonides said there are 8 levels of giving tzedakah, with consideration that the needy receive the contributions in the most respectful and least shameful way possible;

1.       Giving grudgingly, or with regret

2.       Giving less than one should, put pleasantly

3.       Giving what one should, but on request

4.       Giving before one is asked – reducing one’s shame of having to ask for help

5.       Giving without knowing the recipient, although the recipient knows who you are

6.       Giving without making known that you are the giver

7.       Giving when neither you nor the recipient know each other’s identities

8.       Helping someone to become self-supporting through a gift, loan or finding employment

I can honestly say that I have touched every one of these levels at one time or another. Giving doesn't always mean you are a generous or good person.  A man can write a $20,000 cheque or give someone a job and still be a self-centered arse. Nothing to be admired. I’ve given to Tim Horton’s charity lots of times but never saw their camp or been to one of their hockey games. I’ve given pan-handlers change but never asked what they will do with it and I’ve given to the cancer society not knowing if any of my money went to the patients or administrative costs. We give without thinking or knowing, just assuming its going to the right place and we did the right thing. On with our lives!

Three years ago I purchased a car so I could go from work to school to home without taking the bus late at night. Her name is Kitty Boo. I also made a promise that when I could, I would volunteer myself and Kitty to Meals on Wheels. Now that school is (finally) over, I have joined the ranks and will be given my own route next week. My recipients are seniors with various ailments who need this service to survive. They have limited mobility, income and pantry items. Some are Holocaust survivors and have seen the absolute worst of the worst that I cannot and would not want to ever imagine. At the very least, I can bring them their dinner, make a little small talk and I hope to be able to share some of their stories in the future. I am doing this purely for selfish reasons - it’s my car, my time and I don’t need anyone’s permission to do it! I am helping because I can, it keeps me busy and they need volunteers.

Tzedakah doesn’t always have to be about money. The world can be healed with words, kindness and actions. Instead of donating to the food bank, GO and help to sort the cans. Instead of giving to a charity, volunteer for them. Heck, say good morning to a stranger or your neighbour because you just might make their day a little nicer. It’s our duty as Jews and as human beings. God gave us this world and everything in it, it’s our job to take care of it and frankly, it needs a little dusting.

Baby steps..