Sunday 21 June 2015

Happy Father's Day Mum!

God tells us to honor thy mother and father, so why do we wait until a birthday or holiday to celebrate their lives? I would like to think at I am doing a decent job at honoring my parents regularly. I say the Mourner’s Kaddish at Shul, I visit my mother every week and go to the grounds often. So as we celebrate Father’s day, I will pay homage to my parents.

My mother is the only father I’ve ever known. My father Leonard/Lenny passed away 38 years ago from Leukemia and my mother never remarried. She dated, was engaged, but never married again. She was both parents to my sister and I, and every year we acknowledge her on mother and fathers day. At first, we thought it was a funny joke and figured mum just wanted an excuse to have dessert and a present. After a while it just became the norm. After all, she did the job of 2 parents.

I don’t know what a father is supposed to teach or do for his daughter aside from 'staying away from boys' and 'finishing your homework'. They are the providers, bread winners, hunters, gatherers and protectors of their brood. My mum did all of this alone.

She put clothes on our bodies, food on the table (too much if you ask me and my thighs), kept a roof over our heads and provided us with both a Hebrew and day school education. She exposed us to the arts at a young age and always took us to ballets and pantomimes when she could. She would volunteer her time with various organizations in exchange for reduced rates on day camps, ballet, girl guides and brownies so we had activities. She went without so we could have.

If there was a school field trip, she was the volunteer parent. I still think it’s funny how all the kids called her mom. School always came first and if she didn’t like the curriculum or teacher, she let them know. Schooling is very important to her. She didn’t raise ‘dummies’.

My mother instilled many lessons in us. We needed to work hard for what we wanted, nothing comes easy, always try your best and if your hands and feet are working, you’re doing okay. No matter how awful you felt, there was someone worse off than you and we were to thank God for what we had. My favorite is still her theory that “a person cannot have both brains and common sense”.

Growing up in my single-parent home was not easy. My mum was a tough-arse and nothing was just given to my sister and I. A down side to being a sole supporter, she seemed to have taken on the masculine disciplinarian role more often than I liked. Someone had to (try) to keep me in line. She provided the necessities and anything else I wanted had to be earned by me – I have been working since I was 12 years old. As soon as I finished school and began working, I had to pay rent and help out more around the house (more???). Don’t like it? Move out!
When I was old enough, I became the ‘man of the house’. Anything that needed taking care of, I did. You name it, I could fix it. Painting, carpentry, electrical work, gardening or exterminating (so gross to toss a dead mouse) I did everything. These skills are great so I don’t have to rely on other people, but my ex didn’t like the fact that I was a better handyman than him. Oh well.

I can’t say that I miss having a father because I can’t remember having one in the first place. Over the years I would just call my friend’s fathers ‘dad’ and treat them as such. I know there is no substitute for your own, but a girl can dream. M. says it can be a blessing to have not known my father in case he turned out to be not a nice man. Daddy issues? Again, no comment without the presence of a licensed therapist.

My 7 year old nephew told me the other day that grandpa lives in his house and watches over him. I told him that he was very lucky to have an angel watching over him and I was jealous.
I would like to wish Mortimer, all the fathers, step-fathers, zaidas, sabas, uncles, mothers and whomever considers themselves a dad to someone, Happy Father’s Day!!

To my mummy, you are the BEST father a girl never had!

 RIP lady
..Baby steps...

1 comment:

  1. you continue to amaze me Lisa and I love that I know you. Keep up the wonderful writing, it is a joy.

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